More Domestic Delusions

Domestic Delusions

  1. If I clean like a Fury one day a week, scrubbing and polishing everything within an inch of its life, the house will stay clean. [Only if you don’t live there; even then there’s dust].

  2. Planting a neat, tidy garden means I will only have to pull weeds to keep it looking great. [Ever grown squash? They don’t cooperate].

  3. Pets add so much to a home. [Yes, including, hair, litter, scratched furniture and doors, “decorative” spots on the carpet, love, laughs, and comfort]

  4. My family will always eat healthy meals. [Rumor is, liver and onions is a healthy meal; my family still won’t eat it.]

  5. Having dinner on the table for the whole family every night at 6:00p.m. is a must. [OK, barring sports practices, dance lessons, after school tutoring, what do you do when it’s been raining all week and the grass is tall enough to hide a miniature dachshund, and your husband comes home at 5:30 announcing he has to spend 2 hours mowing the wet grass before the next deluge?]

  6. I will sew, knit, crochet or macramé all of my children’s clothing needs. [Um, unless you are planning to be cloned, or can live without sleep, this will likely conflict with #1-5; and crocheted underwear itches]

  7. We can have the idyllic life my parents had, if we work at it. [Don’t even know where to start with this one; best advice: invent a time machine, go back to your childhood years with what you know now, and see if it was really that idyllic]

  8. “My children will ____” [fill in the blank; then ask yourself, “At what cost?”]

  9. The world is a big, bad place. I have to protect my family from it all. [Again, at what cost?]

  10. My family and I will have a perfect life. [Don’t aim for “perfect,” aim first to have a life, then each of you make it yours; that will be perfect enough.]

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