The End is Near

Week 49

Coming up on the end here. Not of my writing, but of the year of blogging I promised my younger daughter Juliane. Last May, before she went walkabout in Australia, I promised I would keep a blog for the year she was gone. No, I haven’t been timely, writing every week faithfully and all that happy nonsense. That has never been my “style.” But I did the work as best I can. And we are here at Week 49.

With a plot twist. My daughter, my youngest child, is poised to extend her adventure Down Under for another six months to a year. The visa gods and governmental authorities willing, that is. I should add that, last May, I also made a half-hearted deal with her to exercise more (5-6 days a week) and write more (same schedule). I did better with the blog.

Even with Sgt. Pepper “editing” with his hind paws and butt, I did better with the blog.

But there is room for change.

My older daughter Samantha is noted for her stubborn streak. We always say, “Sam will do [whatever we think she should be doing] when Sam is ready to do it.” I suspect that is true of all of us in this crazy family. My beloved husband of nearly 35 years goes in spurts like that; the latest being getting materials a week ago to do three home/garden projects we’ve talked about for months. Now we’re waiting for the weather to make up its mind that yes, spring has sprung and winter has fallen.

[This last is in question since I will be covering all of my tender plants with plastic tonight against yet another near-freezing night]

My son agreed to take a T’ai Chi class with me at Rothrock’s Kung Fu and T’ai Chi last fall – I wasn’t ready with the rooster shots for my one remaining organic knee until then. And now I can’t recommend Rothrock’s enough or to too many people. We have extended our lessons for another year and weekly reap the benefits. For example, my “bad” knee is growing strong enough to take on the 3-4 extra days of walking or bicycling exercise I’d promised Juliane. For another, my son and I have both seen our blood pressure fall to a better level.

[Provided, of course, we avoid the political news and everything else to do with a certain fascist candidate and their thoughtless and/or parasitic supporters].

I don’t know what the secret it to starting to move. Heaven knows it can’t be all the encouraging memes I have on my computer. The quotes, the cutesy sayings, the inspirational photos. Like Jimmy Durante, I got a million of ‘em. Or close to a million. They’ve been there for years, beaming support, bright colors and positive thoughts. I’ve read them all over and over and over until what’s left of my memory can recall them at will.

The thing is, as I’ve also come to remember recently, they can’t really do a thing by themselves. No printed word can. Not even books of faith can inspire belief or action unless the reader is willing, unless the soul is willing.

Unless the soul finds its own worth and agrees to follow. I’m beginning to think mine is about ready.

A lot of negativity and avoidance and sheer time-wasting have passed under the proverbial bridge like a flow of piss-yellow water. Weight goes up and down. Depression comes, stays long enough to scar and goes. Mouths talk, eyes read and sometimes pass thoughts on to the brain, but the fingers have to do the work and the soul has to believe in that work. I’ve changed jobs again since I first made a pact with Juliane. No longer a frustrated sub, I teach adults in search of a better life. And made other changes, too. Heck, I painted my own space [with inestimable help from Katelyn Gibbs, my beloved daughter-in-law] the vibrant blue that calms and inspires me.

It would be the height of hubris (and there is enough of that in the media these days) to hold this past year up as an example. “I did it, so can you.” The truth is, I didn’t make a million dollars. I didn’t score the ultimate author’s contract. I didn’t lose 50 pounds or join a cult.

So what did I do in these 49 weeks? Good question. I think I honored my agreement with my daughter. And I think I made the changes and found part of the will to keep the good ones. I hope I have.

I always hope.

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