Week 14

The oldest of the old adages says that if one door closes, another one opens. And my favorite meme adds, “But it’s hell in the hallway.” What gets a little weird when the opening door is one I walked in and, after the necessary time, out not eight months ago. Translation: I am looking into returning to Adult Literacy as a part-time GED prep teacher. The focus word here is “teacher.” I’ve done the administration side of this and did not care for it; even though, on that first go-round, I gave up a teaching post to do it.

Back then I was trying to please some ones else. No, I didn’t misspell “ones.” There were quite a few people pushing me into that change, my ego (and guilt-trip I call Mrs. Should-be that has plagued me most of my life) included. Bad choices for sure, but I learned. Had to, the change required it, and all those fingers shoving into my back required it.

Now, I’ve been accused of resisting, avoiding or completely rejecting Change. Well, that could be right. Let’s be honest: Change is a bitch. I think I have the right to call it that after moving 17 times in the 33 years I’ve been married. And it’s not what the new “stuff” or “place” or “job” is that makes Change so. Not for me. For me, it’s the loss: loss of what I knew and liked, loss of friends (especially with all the moving, that’s HUGE), loss of a sense of direction or purpose as it was defined in the old circumstances.

Has to come, though, change does. How else do we grow? And learn? I’ve faced the fact The Daemon Portfolio hasn’t exactly hit anybody’s best seller list. Hasn’t hit much of any list, come to that. I’ve heard plenty of opinions why, but they come as those fingers shoving me in a direction those some ones else want me to go. Been there, done that. Not planning on doing it again.

The writing’s too important. Teaching is also important. My hope for this week and the weeks to come is that what I have learned will let me balance them as I pray to do every morning and every evening after my Shema.

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